So today I signed up for hairspray. BOOM. Didn't think I would, but I have. Its now a means of actually attending the audition. I feel slightly more confident towards the whole concept after i found out my drama teacher is casting, as this hopefully means she'll see my desperateness in wanting to get a part and actually give me one...
Then I had a bit of a knock because i found out my predicted grade for english is a B and well I feel as though its not fair at all, i was only a few marks off an A in my last exam and now i've dropped a subject my focus will be more on english and well, at the end of the day i thought bloody Mrs Daly and Miss Ford actually believed in me and thought I had the potential to get an A :( I probably shouldn't of got so effected by it, but i guess i just felt hopeless. Because its basically saying my teachers don't believe in me and well if they don't... with the knowledge of their own teaching and my ability, the whole world just seems hopeless because well no-one believes in themselves and thats just shit. So after my mini breakdown I persisted on being the bigger person and actually addressed the situation, by emailing Ford to prove i have a "growth mind set" ( a psychological theory about self expectations that she had done an assembly on yesterday, think Carol Dweck) and well basically asked for my grade to be raised. As of yet i have no reply which isn't too fun, especially considering i'm seeing her tomorrow. Poo.
Keep on getting really upset about nothing, have the constant urge to cry and I don't know why which makes it even worse. (i'm saying this regardless of above) Think its hormones but i don't know.
I also really fancy having sex with Arron Johnson right now. That would be nice.
Mayella xxx
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